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HE SAID THAT PERFECTLY! .....I AM WHAT I SAY I AM AND THAT'S PERFECT!.....WHEN YOU'RE THE PERFECT INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION, CHALLENGERS ARE FEW AND FAR BETWEEN!.....I'M NOT ONLY THE PERFECT WRESTLER, I'M A PERFECT ATHLETE!.....YOU HAVE TO BE PERFECT!.....AND NOW YOU'RE GONNA SEE A PERFECT-PLEX!.....GET IT RIGHT, MOONEY, THE GREATEST INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION OF ALL-TIME!.....GOLF, BASKETBALL, BILLIARDS, PING PONG, CHESS AND HORSESHOES: I CAN PLAY ALL THOSE SPORTS - AND MORE - BUT, MORE IMPORTANTLY, I PLAY THEM PERFECTLY!.....TO BE A CHAMPION YOU HAVE TO BE PERFECT!.....NOBODY BEATS MR. PERFECT - NOBODY!.....THERE'S ONLY ONE MR. PERFECT AND YOU'RE LOOKING AT HIM!.....NOW, THAT'S PERFECT!.....YOU ARE EXCELLENT BUT YOU'RE NOT PERFECT!.....EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT I'M PERFECT IN EVERY WAY: THE PERFECT BODY, THE PERFECT MIND AND THE PERFECT RECORD!.....YOU'VE JUST WITNESSED PERFECTION!.....ABSOLUTELY PERFECT!..... <<<

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Wrestler's Rebuttal
"Why I'm Perfect" by wrestler "Mr Perfect" Curt Hennig


This issue a lot of you people out there must be eating your hearts out. Why? Because of me, Mr. Perfect. Every time you see me, you know, deep down in your hearts, you can never be perfect like Curt Hennig. And, by the way, that's spelled H-E-N-N-I-G. With two n's, you boobs.
 
Not just you readers, you fans, but everyone in the WWF knows in their heart of hearts they will never equal me. Perfection is something I've perfected. There is no wrestler in the ring today, and there never was, with my level of excellence at everything I do.
 
I don't have to explain my perfection, but I decided that it'd be fun to do it. Also, I wanted to make sure that, in case anybody out there had ideas about trying to be perfect like me, they'd save themselves the trouble and forget it.
 
I am the peak of perfection becasue I care about every single thing that I do and that happens to me. No one is more important than I am, so there is nothing unimportant in my life. Every second of my life matters.
 
Other people may care about their lives, too. I'm sure even losers do. But the difference between them and me is that I can do something about it. I have the ability to do it right, each and every time. These abiities are part of my being. I didn't build them. I was born with them. I guess I'm just lucky beyond belief and the rest of you aren't.
 
Now, let's compare me with some of my inferiors in the WWF. Like Brutus "the Barber" Beefcake. Unlike me, he makes mistakes. He wastes time with his ridiculous struttin' and cuttin'. I mean, the guy is out of his gourd. My ring style uses every ounce of my perfect ability. If Brutus ever messes with me, he won't do any more cuttin'. I will. I'll cut him down to size.
 
And look at wimp Rick Martel. He's the epitome of stupidity. The guy got mashed and should have stayed out of the ring forever. He proved he didn't have it. But here he is back again. Looking for more hurt.
 
Another guy who makes a pretense of perfection is Bret "Hitman" Hart. Here's a guy who couldn't make it anymore in the tag team ranks, so he's trying to wrestle singles. Watch him. He's confused. Whenever he gets in trouble, he starts looking for his corner and his partner. Only he doesn't have a partner anymore. He's just too stupid to know it.
 
Well, I'm starting to waste time. If you dont get the idea by know, you never will. Losers.
 
REBUTTALS:

Brutus "the Barber" Beefcake: Yeah, Mr. Perfect. I spent time struttin' and cuttin'. That's my style. And, you'd better know, it works. You know what? One of these days, I'm going to give you a perfect haircut. My kind of perfect.
 
Rick Martel: Mr. Perfect is all bluff. He's perfect, all right. A perfect fool.
 
Bret "Hitman" Hart: Mr. Perfect is wasting his time. He's the one who wastes time trying to prove he's so superior to people. There's only one way to prove superiority in the WWF, baby. And that's between the ropes. I know that. I don't think that chump Mr. Perfect does. But, I'm ready to demonstrate, any time he wants me.

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WWF Magazine March 1989

Article originally published in WWF Magazine,
March 1989 edition

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